Well I been popping on and off of here for sometime now though I haven't really posted anything in a few years. At this point in life I'm to the point where I really wonder why it is that I continue to look for happiness when I know that for me there will apparently never be such a thing. I sit here thinking there is pretty much no reason for me to even really bother to live anymore. I want the pain that I feel to go away. The pain that I never knew could hurt this much all because of one person at that. How can someone have this much of an effect on someone. It just isn't plausible that the possibility of dying of a broken heart can actually happen. I look around me and see only darkness in everything around me. I just want everthing to go away, to not be able to feel anymore. I want to feel my heart slowly stop beating, to feel my blood slow down then finally stop coursing through my veins as my last breath slips from my lungs. To see the world slide away as darkness envelops me into deaths sweet embrace. To know that nothing else can ever hurt me again and that I no longer have to worry about anything ever again. Dark thoughts yes I know but it's all I have to look forward to it seems anymore. I don't think I'm capable of thinking anything else anymore. No one person along should be able to cause this much pain in another. It's not right to be able to destroy anothers world in this manner and to tear who they are apart never again to be righted.